February 15th

Today is my best friend's birthday.

Today was also the due date for the pregnancy we lost last summer.

I had many plans for today when I first found out the due date. Today likely would have been spent wishing that the baby would come so that it could share its birthday with Aunt Leah. It probably would have ended with me still pregnant wondering when exactly I would give birth.

But God had other plans for that little life. And my life, too.

I was very aware of the date coming this whole last week and especially as I woke up this morning. On one hand I miss and grieve the child I'll never know until heaven; but on the other hand I know that the child I'm carrying now, the one, Lord willing, I'll get to meet in a few short months, would not be here otherwise. It's a confusing set of emotions.

I don't have any summary thoughts nor a "now I completely understand why" statement. Just an encouragement to share that brought my focus back this morning during church.

May the words of this hymn encourage you as well:

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!